All Out

This morning at 6:00 am I completed my 400th class at Orangetheory Fitness. I'm proud of that.

All my life I have struggled with weight and fitness. I admit that I like food too much and haven't been consistent with sticking to any kind of fitness routine for any length of time. I've tried aerobics, Body Pump, running, walking, yoga, Jazzercise, weight lifting, Stairmaster, elliptical, gyms, cross fit, personal trainers, etc . You name it, I've tried it. Never can sustain any of them. Exercising makes my muscles hurt. I don't like it.

But a couple of years ago, my daughter suggested I try the Orangetheory Fitness studio that was being built in my neighborhood. In a brief moment of insanity, I signed up before they even started building it. For months I regretted my rash decision and dreaded the opening day. It came in like a wrecking ball, though. And I showed up. Nervous as all get out. Literally scared. Didn't sleep the night before.

I didn't die. But I wanted to. I couldn't walk for a week. But I went back. And, for some reason, I have kept going back. It's addictive. And HARD. At my age and level of fitness, I can't go toe to toe with the twenty-somethings in the class, but I hold my own in my age group. Plus nobody notices what anyone else is doing. We're all just trying to stay alive. LOL

Orangetheory Fitness (OTF) has improved my health. Physical, mental, and emotional health. I feel better. And, just recently, I'm thinking I might be beginning to look a little better too. Why did it take over 2 years of OTF for me to begin to look a little better you ask? Fair enough.

Here's a little story:

I was going to OTF 4-6 days a week but wasn't really losing any weight. The muscle definition was improving, but I wasn't getting any thinner. And I felt like I was killing myself. My cholesterol was still elevated, my A1C was flirting with pre-diabetes, and I was sort of unhappy and anxious about the whole thing. I am my own worst enemy and I was not liking myself very much at all.

Then, last September, an event happened that drastically changed the trajectory of my life. After 3 years together, the love of my life let me know that I wasn't the love of his life and wasn't going to be in his life anymore. A 10 minute conversation.

And that was that.

Over. Short and sweet. Clean break. Swift. Excruciating. Brutal.

After a day or so when I started to breathe again, I decided that I was going to embark on a journey to become the very best version of myself that I possibly could. Because of my shortcomings, I felt like I had failed him and failed myself. I needed to improve. What did I have to lose? I mean besides weight.

So I made a plan. I went to see my doctor. I found a therapist. I read self-help articles and books. I asked God to go on the journey with me. And I finally confronted my addiction. My addiction to carbohydrates. I don't drink too much, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't steal, I don't gamble. I don't watch too much TV. But I do love my carbs. And I was addicted. Plain and simple. I felt bad when I ate them and felt worse when I didn't. So they had to go.

I didn't go on any formal diet plan but I just quit the crackers, bread, sweets, rice, and all the other white food that was making me sick. Kinda keto but not extreme. I still enjoy cocktails with friends and a bourbon at home if I feel cold. I guess I drink my carbs. And I kept showing up to OTF every morning at 5 am.

So let's do some math: no carbs + OTF + self-love = 34 lbs. lost, normal A1C, normal cholesterol, normal blood pressure. I feel so much better. And not just physically.

The moral of the story thus far? I can't outrun my fork.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I have done my fair share of yo-yo dieting before and there is a real possibility that I will fall off this wagon. But this time it feels different. My addiction to carbs had begun to REALLY adversely affect my health. I'm not playing anymore. I don't want to get diabetes. I don't want to have heart disease. I don't want to have a stroke. So MAYBE this change will be permanent. I sure hope so.

If you're thinking that you need an exercise routine, maybe you'll look into OTF. It's like nothing I've every done before and I'm a believer. There is a phrase the coaches use when they are pushing us to our absolute maximum effort - they tell us to go "all out". Well, I'm going ALL OUT with this self-improvement journey. And I like how it's going so far. I know I still have a long way to go.

I hesitated to write this because I don't really like to toot my own horn. People will say I'm bragging. Nobody likes a braggart. Maybe I am bragging. And I don't like to air my dirty laundry about my personal life that much either. But I don't care. It's part of my story. It's part of who I am. At 57 years old, I've learned not to give a damn what people might think.

I suppose you could say I'm ALL OUT of give-a-damns.

And that is that.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. Lent is a period of sacrifice. Many Christians "give up" something for lent.

Let today be the day I give up who I've been for who I can become.