Welp. I didn't exactly set the keyboard a'blazin with my entries, did I? As is with most anything in my life, I set out with good intentions albeit with a hefty dose of uncertainty and a persistent inner voice that says to me, "DeeAnn, you can't do this." Yes, my name is DeeAnn - see why I don't like it? So I didn't write anything for a minute. And, truth be told, it's because I don't think anyone wants to read what I write. I mean it's not like I have all this knowledge and insight to share with y'all. I just like to write stuff down sometimes. No unique talent, no get rich quick plan. No nothing.
I just have myself. Literally.
I know I said last time that this time I would tell y'all a little about myself, but I'm gonna take that back. It can wait. I just started seeing a new therapist and she's FANTASTIC! She gently suggested that I give God my pulverized heart and let Him sprinkle something on it and mold it into what my new heart is supposed to look like. Kind of like let go, let God I guess. We've heard that before. But I've never really gotten into that phrase. Maybe because I'm scared to let go? Or perhaps more likely in this case, it's because my situation IS under my control and I don't have to completely let go in order to feel better. I have to stay engaged and focused. I gotta work at feeling better. So I'm committing to partnering with God to rebuild my heart which currently could be considered a true fixer-upper. A renovation of sorts. Should be interesting.
Anyway, The Therapist looked at something I wrote and told me that I write in a way that engages the reader. Really? I like that. So once I get further into these writings I hope that you will be engaged as well.
I learned from The Therapist that I am a Highly Sensitive Person, maybe even an Empath. Google it. I had to. But man oh man, there I was! My goodness, I FINALLY had a label that tells me what I am. I've always thought I was a little different. Odd maybe. Quirky. WAYYY more emotional than most people - in a good way and a bad way. Now I feel like I'm not alone in this ultrasensitive, highly aware world that lives within me. So I'm digging into it these days. I'm not clairvoyant like some of the websites that are kind of "out there" suggest. I don't know about chakras and chi and smudging and all that. I just know I FEEL things on a completely different level than most people.
And that's sometimes not a good thing.
Because I FEEL things too strongly (according to my ex whom I used to affectionately refer to as The Bass Whisperer - lawd that beautiful man could catch some fish), I might not be fun to be around all the time. When I'm fun I'm great to be around, but if I'm ever scared, anxious, or angry - notsamuch.
Right. Got it. Okay. Yay.
I may or may not be wearing the Cloak of Bitterness still. I'm working on shedding it. I really am.
But I'm not gonna dwell on The Bass Whisperer here anymore. He basically decided his life would be better if I wasn't in it. I accept that he is doing what is best for him. I am who I am and he is who he is. I wish he loved me. But he doesn't and he didn't. So now I prayerfully and mindfully move forward in a new life. Alone and free.
I'll be back better than ever. Write that down.
Mama Tries
“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness of others pain and my passion for it all." ~Unknown
Comments