Hello everyone.
In an attempt at full disclosure, I guess the first thing I need to say to you today is that I am currently nursing the most broken heart in the world. Shattered, crushed, minced up and put through a meat grinder only to be left to dry up and become a pile of rocks that is currently being pulverized into a pile of dust. I'm hurtin'.
Makes you want to keep reading doesn't it? This ray of sunshine first paragraph just sprinkles happiness and joy all over the place, right? I know, I'm sorry. But I think it's necessary to get that out there right off the bat so you'll know sort of where I'm coming from sometimes.
Let me say, by nature I am a happy, optimistic person so I won't always be a Debbie Downer. BTW, back in the late 60's early 70's I loved the name Debbie and wished my parents had named me that. Today, not so much. But I don't like the name I have AT ALL and often fantasize about changing it. Maybe another day I'll write about it and we can brainstorm cool names together. I'm open to all suggestions. But y'all please don't let my broken (pulverized) heart influence me to change my name to something ridiculous. People do stupid stuff when they're suffering the searing pain of rejection and loneliness. This I know.
This ain't my first rodeo either. 10 years ago I was crushed too. A man I loved (well, I thought I loved him but I was really just addicted to him) told me he met a girl in a bar and he wanted to date her too. Like, date her and me at the same time. She worked at the Harley Davidson store and "was lots of fun to be around". Of course she was. The sad thing is I put up with that bullshit for 2 years. Sorry, y'all. I cuss a little. Anyway, I was pathetic. I let him treat me however he wanted to because I couldn't get it together enough to take care of myself and quit that mess. I kept thinking he would "see the light" and ditch that girl once and for all. What was wrong with me? Like I said, I was pathetic. Long story short, I finally got tired of feeling AWFUL all the time and it was then that I quit that mess. And that was that. I wonder what he's up to now. Hope he's happy.
Also, since I've never done this before I have no clue how much is too much to write and how much is too little. I think I'm already rambling. I tend to do that sometimes. So maybe it's best for me to stop for now and hope you'll come back again to read what I write next. I'll be honest with y'all - this has felt good. I feel better already. Maybe even if it's just for a little while. Next time I'll tell you a little bit about who I am. My broken (pulverized) heart doesn't define me, so please don't roll your eyes thinking this will be the saddest, most depressing blog you'll ever read. I hope we can laugh together, think together, celebrate together, commiserate together, and maybe even pray together. I pray a lot but I'm still waiting for God to let me know for sure that he hears me. Does anyone else feel that way about prayer? Hello? God? Are you there? Can you hear me? Let me know, will ya? Faith is a tough thing to stick to sometimes.
Maybe I'll end each story with a quote that I can relate to.
Photo: Word Porn
Thank y'all for reading. It helps.
Mama Tries
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